Oh bloody hell, it's the tenth and I haven't updated in four days.
Here is a brief rant by my MC about…giant swamp monsters destroying libraries. (They are a serious issue!) I could be working on my novel right about now, but instead I'm doing this. Screw it, it's my novel, I can do what I like. FREEDOM OF NOVEL RIGHTS! FREEDOM!
Ahem.
---
It's not as if I like being pulled out of reality, dropped in a chair in front of a computer, and told to write a blog post. "Any sort of blog post," they said. She said. There's only one of them, but she's two inches taller than I am and looks pretty insane at the moment, so I should probably be very, very scared.
What sort of blog is this anyway?! There's a thing up at the top that says Newfallen Mystery, but what does that mean?! Spellcheck says that Newfallen isn't even a word!
So, life pretty much sucks. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't constantly worried about my friends, terrified out of my mind of Ms. Freeman, agitated that I can't even come up with a good name for the swamp monster—
Oh yes, the swamp monster. There's two of them, and the baby is in the process of destroying my beloved library. Let me tell you, for a baby, that thing is pretty damn big.
"Omnia told you not to swear on her blog."
Who the hell are you?!
"I'm the Inner Editor. Now stop that."
Stop what?
"Swearing. Her mother reads this blog, you know."
I am so confused.
"Well, here comes Omnia to give you a boot back into the novel. You should stay on your best behavior if you ever want to come back and do guest posts again."
But I don't want to do guest posts again!
"Well then I suppose you should just vandalize the blog and hope that she never invites you back."
That's a very good idea, pinkish-purple text.
"I am Claudia, the Inner Editor."
I'm sure you are, dear. What was that you were saying about vandalism?
"I—"
SDJKGHSDKFJHGKGAKJERHSDGGJSDJRHGT THIS IS STUPID.
"Obviously, you do not understand sarcasm."
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