Overanalysis Of and WMG About River Song

My dears, I am far overdue for another Doctor Who-themed post. I'm sorry if you do not watch or do not like Doctor Who—in the case of the former, it's a great show and you should give it a chance; in case of the latter, I cluck my tongue at you in disappointment (unless I've forced you to watch it, in which case I'm now spending a moment feeling sorry for you.) Later I'll post a very lazy post about some short stories I wrote a couple days ago while waiting to tour a brewery. Aw yeah.

The spoilers for series four, five, and the first half of six start here. I haven't seen any of the second half of series six yet, so these theories might already have been jossed. Please to not tell me. I'd like to stay in my fluffy cloud of frantic not-knowing for the next year until Netflix gets series six part two on streaming. Dayum.

Anyway, I've spent some time obsessively analyzing some of River Song's Doctor Who episodes, including the Silence in the Library/ Forest of the Dead and The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone two-parters, and most of series six part one. Wikipedia and other such sources contributed to my theories. By now, I've come to some conclusions.

• *ahemahem* SILENCE in the Library, FOREST of the Dead, and FLESH and Stone. Silence: series 6 baddies that look like the Slender Man. Forest: The only water in the forest is the river, a clue to River's true identity. Flesh: flesh avatars, otherwise known as a clever way to explain the fact that Amy has been pregnant for the entire sixth series without, like, doing another Amy's Choice thing. Clever, Moffat, clever. 

• Let's consider the background detail/nerd hook of the spacesuits from the Library episodes being in the dropship in The Time of Angels. This may imply that River goes to the Library soon after the Angel episodes, except that she's a doctor in that episode, not a professor. How long does it take to get a professorship? 

• Melody's life-support unit is a spacesuit. In the Library episodes, River wears a spacesuit. Foreshadowing/backshadowing/symbolism?

• Although an astronaut does shoot the Doctor, and Melody was living in a spacesuit at the time, I doubt that the killer astronaut is River. It seems a little obvious, and there are some details that just don't work out. 

• Related to the above, WHY did River shoot at the astronaut after it shot the Doctor? If she really was the astronaut, she would have been around eight or nine at the time. Little Melody probably would have remembered shooting the Doctor twice. Perhaps when she regenerated, she lost her memories for some reason. Maybe she knew/remembered that Eyepatch-Lady-I-can't-spell-her-name turned Melody into a weapon, but that still doesn't explain why she shot at herself. 

• In The Impossible Astronaut, what's with the picture of Amy and her daughter? Amy looks really happy, so I doubt it was taken around the time of A Good Man Goes To War. Logically, it must come from the future, most likely after the gang rescues Melody. ('Cause they're totally gonna.)
• Off-topic, but Moffat confirmed that River's sonic squareness gun from the Library episodes is Captain Jack Harkness' from his first episodes. Even if he left it in the TARDIS, it was probably lost when the TARDIS regenerated. Maybe Idris!TARDIS will return somehow, and for some reason she'll give River the gun. Maybe Jack and River meet, and she gets the gun from him. I'd like to see that episode. 

We know that Moffat was planning all this right from the beginning, the brilliant troll. Therefore, everything could mean something. Not every detail, but any detail. (<-- Obligatory Library reference)

In conclusion…this. Which also doubles as today's Awesome Thing. Does that still exist?

"What does it mean? What does it mean?"